(March 21, 2024)
Mom gets an idea in her head and cannot get it out. Today, that idea was about Social Services. Yesterday, she asked me, “What are we going to do about getting someone to change my bed?” I could, of course, do this for her, but I already am responsible for so many things in her life, and feel it would be good for her to place some responsibility on others for some of the things that she has been offered services for. (One example: the local library offers delivery services. Why not have them deliver your books, I ask. Still, after a day or so, she talks again about going to the library to get books, and the circular conversation continues.) So, when she asks again about changing her bed, I offer up Social Services.
As a 92-year-old in our county, she is offered a certain number of hours of care and services by an in-home health provider, most of which she does not need. They can do things like errands, doctor visits, meal prep, and household chores. I suggest she ask them to come for an hour a week to do some of the things that bother her, including changing her bed. She has had someone helping her with household chores and other things prior to me moving in, and this individual was supposed to be working for Social Services but did not turn in the paperwork to get paid by them for several years it turns out, and my mom was paying them cash out of her pocket.
Yesterday I suggested again giving Social Services a call and reminded her that she has an advocate assigned to her there: “Jill.” She gives Jill a call, and Jill’s voicemail says, I will get back to you in two or three days, so mom leaves a message. So then today, I hear her on the phone, only a few hours after leaving the message, leaving yet another message for Jill. Then, only a few minutes later, she is calling again, and getting another individual on the line, “Frank.” She explains, “I have been calling for months [she left just one message yesterday???] and just can’t get ahold of Jill. What is the problem over there?” She continues to explain her many problems to Frank and then hangs up.
A short time later, I intervene. “Mom, you just left a message last night. Her voicemail said she would call back in two or three days, so let’s just give her until then to call you back.” “No no no. I have been calling her and calling her. I have never spoken to her.” I remind her that she has spoken to her, and so have I, and also that she came to her home, but she does not recall. A short time later, she finds a folder where she has kept some old notes about her experiences with Social Services. She finds evidence that she HAS spoken to them and HAS had many advocates there over the years.
Still she remains obsessed with speaking with Jill, and does not seem to be able to let it go, so I advise her to write down some notes about her recent contacts yesterday and today with Social Services and the steps she has taken, so she can refer back. She gets a paper and pen and writes down the date and time and that she left a message, and I ask her to also write that we will wait until three days from now to think about it again. Only time will tell if this works—but she seems to have forgotten about it at least for the time being.