(March 22, 2024)
Technology has always been a struggle. Understandably, at 92, it is a challenge to pick up new concepts, but this has always been a challenge for her, even 40 years ago. But, she also has fear of missing out (FOMO) in a massive way, and wants to know what all of her family members and friends are doing at all times. Quite a few years ago, she let us all know that she wanted to be on Facebook. It became all-consuming, and she mentioned it every day to both me and my sister. “I want to see what you guys are seeing on [niece 1’s] Facebook, how can I see it?” I saw the train wreck coming, but my sister was sucked (or suckered) in. Before Christmas, my sister called all the siblings and asked us all to chip in on an iPad for my mom. Then, after she gave it to her, my sister came out and visited and proceeded to walk my mom through how to use the iPad, complete with notes and post-its telling her step-by-step what to do. My sister lives in Colorado, and my mom was near me, so I just KNEW the people who would be called on to help my mom when she ran into problems with the iPad after my sister left was me and my family. And sure enough, she used it for a couple of months, but then forgot how to log in, where to go, what to do, and then, eventually, what it was even for. It was placed on a table on the charger, where it sat for seven years until a couple of weeks ago when I moved it to the garage. I don’t think she has been on Facebook since.
So, you can imagine my hesitation when she began talking about getting a “smart” phone a few years ago. She has had a cell phone for many years now, but it was a flip phone with very basic features. Even that was a challenge for her, and she frequently asked me how to charge it, how to turn it on, how to check her voicemails, and even how to use it. She rarely got it out, but when we went out of town wanted to bring it and then the questions about how to use it began anew. She was very frustrated with this flip phone and always talked about how she could not text on it (it did have text—she just didn’t know how to use it) or see photos on it (again, it could take basic photos), and of course she talked about how she was missing out on things from her nieces and nephews and family. To placate her, my son had purchased a Loop photo frame. This was the perfect gift! She receives photos from anyone who is added to the Loop app, and instead of her having to load the photos or do anything, the photos are automatically texted to her Loop and appear “magically.” This she loves. But soon, the talk of a smart phone began again, incessantly.
“This phone is terrible,” she said again about her flip phone. “The buttons are so small and I can’t hear anything on it.” On top of that, she was paying about $50 a month for the piece of crap which she barely used—money she did not really have. So, when thinking about what to get her for Christmas this last year, I was of course reminded of the phone thing. I knew I could not get her an iPhone or any kind of very smart phone. She cannot figure out any social media, and can’t read emails on her phone, and would not be able to search around on the web, so none of this was important. But I did find a phone called Jitterbug—a very basic phone that seemed perfect for her and cheap. It had larger format buttons and letters, very basic calling and texting features (even a camera) and would allow her to keep her old number. I got it for her for Christmas, got her a basic $25 a month plan, and unpacked and charged it up. I showed her some of the basic features, and how to add all of her contacts to it, and she went in and added about 20 people that she calls regularly. She called one or two of them but then soon, she placed it on a charger and forgot about it. Every day, I reminded her that she needs to use it regularly. She needs to call people from it and have them call her. She needs to practice in order to get better at it.
A few weeks later, we were traveling for a few days together and we had a couple hours of down time. I sat with her and showed her how to call again, how to text, and even how to take a photo. She practiced and got to where she could do them all on her own and did a few practice sessions. She was quite pleased with herself and was reminded that she is indeed able to do it on her own. But then we returned home, and she placed it back on the charger, and forgot about it for the last two months. A couple days ago, we got into a somewhat heated discussion about it again. “I can’t use it,” she said. “It doesn’t do me any good if no one will show me how to use it.” I reminded her that we had an agreement that she would use it every single day in order for it to remain fresh on her mind. That I had spent quite a lot of time showing her how to use each feature, and that she had even sent photos and texts to her friends and family. Every day since, when she asks me if there is anything she can do, I remind her to use her cell phone every day to make and receive calls. But there it sits, on the charger, and does not appear to have been raised to her ear today.